BOYS DON’T CRY!?

BOYS DON’T CRY!? Today, I was coming home from my night shift. As part of my usual routine, I decided to take the kids to school. It was freezing outside, and since my car was already warmed up, I thought it would be easier to drive them. I went out to help them with their final preparations. We were already running late, and as I helped my second-born son put on his shoes, he asked for his favourite pair. Unfortunately, he couldn’t find them. In a hurry, I gave him the next best pair. He wasn’t happy, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. As we drove to school, I glanced at the rear-view mirror and noticed my boy sobbing. He was quietly crying. I immediately said, “Come on, Jason, boys don’t cry! Don’t behave like your little sister.” But almost immediately after saying those words, something hit me. What had I just done? “Boys don’t cry” were the exact words my father used to say to me while growing up. In Shona, “Varume havachemi.” That simple statement has shaped generations of men. But why does society expect men to hide their emotions, suffer in silence and pretend that everything is okay? Perhaps this is one of the reasons we grow up trying to be macho men, even when we are hurting inside. We struggle to express our fears, disappointments and deepest concerns. We bottle everything up until we reach breaking point. And the effects go beyond emotions. I remember growing up and being in class. Sometimes, I knew the answer to a question, but I would hesitate to raise my hand. I wasn’t always confident enough to speak because I feared I might get the answer wrong and become a laughing stock in front of my classmates. Sometimes, I would rather remain silent than risk being embarrassed. Looking back, I wonder how many opportunities I missed simply because I was afraid of expressing myself. How many ideas did I keep to myself? How many times did I choose silence when I should have spoken? Think about it. How many times have you wanted to say something but held back because you were afraid people would laugh at you, judge you or think your idea was foolish? The same society that teaches us to suppress our emotions often teaches us to suppress our thoughts and dreams. If you want to achieve extraordinary things in life, don’t be afraid to express your wildest ideas simply because they sound unrealistic to others. Imagine if the Wright brothers had kept quiet about their crazy idea that human beings could fly. Imagine how much longer humanity might have waited for that breakthrough. Sometimes, what society calls crazy is simply an idea it has not yet understood. And to the men reading this: IT IS OKAY TO CRY! I make mistakes. Sometimes I make terrible decisions, and I cry. Sometimes those tears bring relief. Other times, they remind me of my mistakes and help me reflect, take responsibility and seek forgiveness. Crying is not a sign of weakness or failure. Sometimes, it is simply an honest expression of what is happening inside us. Unfortunately, when men are constantly pressured to appear strong, some end up making desperate decisions. They lie, cheat, steal or do whatever they can to escape the reality they are struggling to face. But strength is not about pretending that you are never hurt. True strength is having the courage to acknowledge your struggles and deal with them. Crying is not an admission of failure. It is acknowledging that tears are part of sweat. Behind every success story, there is hidden sweat, sacrifice and sometimes tears that nobody ever sees. Think about Hannah in the Bible. In 1 Samuel 1, she was deeply troubled and prayed to God, weeping bitterly. Prophet Eli noticed her tears and initially misunderstood her situation. But Hannah explained her pain, and eventually, God answered her prayer. She gave birth to Samuel, who became one of Israel’s greatest prophets. Imagine if she had felt ashamed of expressing her emotions. Her tears were part of her story, not something she needed to hide. I also remember an incident from my childhood when my father was teaching me how to ride a bicycle. I fell badly, almost like a headless chicken! I was hurt, frightened and ready to cry. But all I heard was, “Boys don’t cry.” I remember being afraid of bicycles for several weeks afterwards. Looking back, I realise that perhaps what I needed at that moment was not a reminder to be tough, but a little comfort, encouragement and reassurance that it was okay to be scared. Today, I almost repeated that same lesson with my own son. And that got me thinking: How many things have we passed down to our children simply because they were passed down to us? Perhaps it is time we broke some of these cycles. Let’s raise boys who are courageous but compassionate, strong but emotionally intelligent, ambitious but humble. Let’s teach our sons that they can be brave and still cry. They can be leaders and still admit when they are hurting. They can be confident enough to raise their hands in class, share their ideas, make mistakes and learn from them. They can be men without having to pretend they are made of stone. MEN, IT IS OKAY TO CRY. “JESUS WEPT!” And perhaps the next time my son sheds a tear, instead of telling him that boys don’t cry, I will simply ask him: “Jason, what’s wrong, son? Talk to Dad.” As for my daughter, well, I still haven’t figured out what lesson to teach her. That little girl cries even when I kiss her mother, just because she also wants a little smooch! 😂😂 Maybe in her case, the lesson is that not every tear needs a deep conversation. Sometimes, all it takes is a kiss! 😂